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Old enough for the online world?

February 10, 2012

Posted by Hajra under Children, Facebook, Life, People, Think

80 Comments

Today, I am getting a little serious.

I was reading a post at Linda’s blog. You can read it here. She is a psychotherapist (yes, I hang around with them) and she talks about how Facebook maybe behind the cause of your kid’s gloom. And then we go on to debate whether 13 year is good enough old for Facebook.

So what does all that make me think?

When did I start using Facebook? I checked the timeline and saw that I used it first in 2003, I was about 17 then. And then, I went silent for four years and next used it in 2007. At 21 I was old enough; I wasn’t letting a social networking site determine my mood. I was depressed or joyful irrespective of what my online friends did.

Why was that? Did I grow up or was social networking not really the thing for me?

Now kids are allowed to use it 13.

If you think 13 is too young; then you should read this. A 21 year old Briton hanged himself because a girl “un-friended” him on Facebook after he confessed of his romantic feelings for her. And later her friends bombarded him with abusive messages. Now there may me many reasons for the suicide but yes it remains to be understood that his persona in the networking world was “destroyed” and he found no escape.

What does this REALLY make me think?

Now, I don’t have kids. And I figure by the time I have some, social networking will be the only way to interact… not hoping though. But what strikes me most is this – is there an age we grow up and can finally decide that yes, now I am old enough to have an online profile. Now, I am old enough to take my decisions for myself.

If you ask me, 13 is very young; but 21 is also young, very young in fact. But when is it that you are considered a responsible adult and can stand up for yourself in the big, bad online world?

You tell me.

I am just confused. So those of you, whatever stage you might be – with kids, without kids, planning to have kids, don’t know whether they want kids… think about this:

Do you think 13 is too young for social networking?

What ages are you letting your kids go all social networks crazy? Do you feel the need to keep watch?

Is there an age when we DEFINITELY grow up?

P.S. No one talks bad about kids at my blog at least; I don’t have children but I love kids. And if you talk derogatory, I will choose kids over your comments any day.

Tags: Kids, Networking, Online

69 comments

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Catherine "Cat" Alexandra

Hi Hajra, Interesting choice of topic. I also consider this from time to time. I don't have a personal point of reference very much because I have chosen to remain child-free thus far...but I do see a number of kids on the social media channels. I think it's interesting how much exposure we all receive these days. I feel that as a parent it must be a challenge to "police" some of this stuff for the sake of the kids. I by no means advocate keeping people ignorant - but having said that, I think it's fair to say that so much of the innocence of children could be quickly undermined by overexposure at such early ages. I remember being able to "go out and play" a lot as a kid. We didn't get micromanaged back then. It felt safe to be out with other kids getting into nature and having fun. Nowadays, so much is "INFORMATION this and that" and smart phones and gadgets and strong language, strong graphic images...the list just pours out and on and on and on... I don't know that I'd want my children so over exposed too soon. I would probably be a parent who imposes some filters and monitoring to keep it safe for my kids. I think that maybe allowing them certain friends and family on things like FaceBook is fine...but as always, a parent's job is to parent the kids. I wouldn't want to have one of those households where my child was constantly online and obsessed with vicarious living. Cat

Hajra

Hey Cat! I would agree. As a non parent, I felt I needed to know more about how other parents were doing it. Children are more "connected" to the online world and somehow information and fun is all muddled up. And they are letting it rule their offline decisions and adjustment. Filters are important for children; but it depends on how well the child is able to make decisions, distinguish the right from the wrong and the good from the not so good and the plain ugly!

Farouk

even though its good to learn children learn how to do this at a young age still they can see bad things by mistake i believe staying beside them is the best thing

bihar

Perhaps we are taking the online world too seriously. Perhaps entering the online world is trying to escape the real world. As long as the real people are not ignored, it does not matter. As for children, 13 years is a young age to be online. Internet is addictive and unhealthy, they should be playing either outside or doing their homework.

Hajra

Hello! We do need to find the difference between social and real and focus on what matters for us! Thanks for stopping by! :)

Deeone Higgs

I totally agree with you there Stacey. As long as a child is under my roof, they have no privileges unless I give them privileges. Privileges were always earned in my household growing up, they weren't based on how old we became. Since I never had a computer or access to the internet growing up, I was allowed only to use it at school and maybe at the library if I had a report to get done or something like that. I think that's where many parents miss the boat with kids, they give them too much leeway and freedom, because it might not have been given to them growing up. This to me says a lot about what parents today thought of their parents. Something their parent did obviously worked, because they now have children of their own. Yes, sure there are somethings that shouldn't be carried over, but freedom and privileges, isn't one of those things. In my current neighborhood, I see some of the baddest kids I've ever laid my eyes upon, but it's because most of the parents have no business being parents. Their kids have no respect for other people's property, and no respect whatsoever for elders or adults; which says A LOT about the parents parental skills. I hate to say it, but I foresee most of the kids I'm talking about in jail or worse before they hit the age of 16. What does one do when this is the case? And then imagine if these same kids are allowed the freedom to surf the internet. It's scary to think of what they will get into.

Hajra

I would have to agree with the too much freedom thing I feel. I got my first mobile when I was in college and now I see sixth graders having their personal laptops. Ok, times have changed, but does every single child need so much of freedom. Ok, some might need it. Just last week, I had a last minute thing to pick up from the grocery and I see a group of kids from my building outside at after 11 p.m. And they were all under 16, just standing around and talking. It wasn't a weekend. And what where their parents doing; weren't they worried about kids staying out? Okay, they have mobiles and all, but who knows who is around the street so late. Why invite danger I feel. And all these kids come from families who have good financial stability. I was so worried and I hardly know them; I felt why aren't their parents feeling the same. And this behavior is a regular thing... a little troubling sometimes.

Deeone Higgs

I think it's totally in how we all were raised. I'm with you, there's no reason a child should be out when the street light comes on. At least not alone. I knew growing up, that when I saw no more sunlight I should at the very least be in my own yard... preferably on the steps reaching for the door knob. :D

Annie Andre

Hajra, I have three kids. 2 of which are old enough to open up a facebook account 15 and 14. Yes i think 13 is too young. But, on the other hand, it's a good way to monitor your children believe it or not. i tried to restrict my kids from using these things but found that they had an account anyways. Rather than restricting them and making it even more tempting for them i let them have their accounts. But i insist on having all their passwords and i monitor their activity and their friends activites. I have been able to detect and see who they hang out with and intervene when i needed. for instance, i saw that one of my friend was posting profanity on the FB page. I know to watch that person when my sons go out with that person. Ultimately, it's the parents responsability to watch and the minute i see something fishy i act on it. If i see bullying, or my child is victom of that on any of the online places they go, i am the first person to know. Yes it's a lot of work, but it's worth it. Just my two cents.

Hajra

Hey Annie! So glad you could come by! :) After seeing the discussion here, I feel monitoring and empowering the kids is the primary goal here. Knowing what is going on in your children's life is probably more important than stopping them from doing something. Once we prohibit them from doing something, they feel they need to go and just do it anyway. Just last week I saw a cousin's friend posting profanity on their wall and it got too often and too weird; I just felt the need to tell his parents. His parents weren't even aware that their kid had a facebook account. And it turns out that my cousin was being bullied by the very same guy. So it does help to know what it going on... definitely! Thanks for stopping by! Hope you have a lovely day!

Hajra

Hmm, makes sense. I think keeping a watch is important but one just needs to make sure that the child is not getting uncomfortable. I know some parents who have been too involved and that went to being considered nosy. There are dangers lurking and you are trying your best to do what is best for the little ones!

Hajra

I like the point about daddy being genius! Makes total sense! :)

Hajra

You have good kids :) My 14 year old cousin doesn't share her passwords and she did get into some video trouble once. But once we have the balance of what's right and what's not, is the watch necessary? Maybe it could be precautionary but don't parents feel the need to over police once in a while?

Hajra

Makes sense but I have a little uneasiness with parents knowing passwords. I mean, I started getting online at around 15 and was so uneasy giving my password to my parents. Good thing, they didn't ask me more than once or twice. They actually told me to change it so that I feel that it is private and then if there is any problem, they could discuss it. But even younger kids today don't like sharing passwords, maybe some do. But then they can easily change it right?

Hajra

Hey Stacey! Si glad you could stop by! I feel parents are under pressure nowadays to deal with what their kids have to say and do at the SNS but then if we figure out that children have got the right tools and attitudes, it makes a lot more sense. 15.... I thought it was 13! But yes, kids as young as 9 have accounts, so that is hardly an issue now! Thanks for stopping by! I loved your comment!

Samantha Bangayan

Personally, I think some people never "grow up." That can be both positive (e.g., living more freely and with less worries) and negative (e.g., not taking responsibility for our actions). As for social networking, I find myself still finding social networking detrimental at times because it's hard for me not to compare myself to others, for example. In that sense, I imagine this will all depend on the maturity of the child.

Hajra

Hey Samantha! Some really don't! I agree, maturity is much more an important consideration than age! We need to keep that in mind and see how well the child is capable of handling the pressures which might come along with the goodness of social media! Thanks so much for stopping by! I really appreciate it, given the busy time you must be having now! :) Hope you have a lovely day!

outofit

fwiw, I'm now aged 47 and show no signs of growing up. (My spouse will attest that I am Really the world's biggest two year old.) I honestly don't know if 13 year olds are mature enough for social media. The anecdote about the 21 year old who committed suicide suggests to me that reaching the age of legal majority has very little to do with being able to handle social media. (Though if we're going to let young teenagers use Facebook, maybe we should make them learn about it in school first.)

Hajra

Lol! That was a funny comment! It is more to do with emotional intelligence rather than the age of the person. Like you say, you seem to be younger than most of us! Really! Thanks for stopping by! Loved your comment! :)

Praveen Rajarao

Wow...this scares the hell out of me!!! My daughter is too young for all this, but I will surely want to keep her in the dark from social networking until....hmmmm...say....well.....i dont know....maybe...30?? Will she ever be mature enough to go online and look for friends and relations??I think this is the dad in me speaking, but i think 13 is too young an age for a kid to be online.

Hajra

Sometimes it does..doesn't it? Hmmm...30 seems probable enough but lets see what happens when she turns 14 and is all desperate to join in the social networking fun! 13 might be a young age, but having imparted your child with a better sense of judgment might be doing the trick; be with them, tell them that there are always two sides of a coin and if they get in any trouble, help them through it. Making such wise decisions might help them go further. Also, yes, daddies are going to be a little tough with their daughters on this one!

Pea

Hajra, I know some very mature 19 year olds and some very immature 50 year olds. It is up to the parent to assess what is good for their child. Everyone will be different. And when you introduce or allow anything new for a child it must come with guidance and monitoring. i.e don't just walk off and leave a child to watch TV or use the computer freely. A gun is not dangerous if it is left alone in a drawer and neither is a computer if left alone. It is the the way both are mishandled that make them dangerous.

Hajra

Hello Pea, I would disagree with the gun part. I wouldn't give a child a gun even if isn't loaded... just saying; but yes, everything has advantages and disadvantages. We should be knowing when we are crossing the line between use and misuse. Thanks for stopping by! I loved the opening sentence!

Jamella Biegel

Hi Hajra, I have one daughter who will soon turn 16. She is not much into Facebook. I was actually on Facebook before she joined. I can definitely see how Facebook can have a negative impact on young people, and sadly some have chosen to end their lives because of the meanness they've encountered. However, I don't think meanness is exclusive to Facebook. Bullies are everywhere, not just on Facebook. We as parents need to teach our children how to conduct themselves, where ever they are interacting with others. Just my 2 cents. :)

Hajra

Hey @4e271a03192407b6b5a38c6904d89a96:disqus Dangers are everywhere but there is also a good to it. Children are better able to know the influence once they know the difference between use and misuse. I loved your two cents! :) Your daughter soon might be all eager to get on Facebook ; if that happens, do tell us how it goes!

Hiten Vyas

Hi Hajra, I remember the post Linda Esposito wrote about this. I do believe 13 is too young for online social networking. However, my concern is kids are so used to these types of technologies, even for learning (there is an area in education called social learning), which uses Facebook type technologies for interactions. These types of technologies are here to stay. The one positive thing I see, is if the use of social networks amongst kids continues to grow, perhaps schools will introduce lessons on how to use such sites safely and appropriately. I don't know, maybe such initiatives have already started?

Hajra

Hey Hiten, More than schools doing it I feel it is parental responsibility to acknowledge the dangers and the benefits of social networking with the children. One needs to give the child the space to make decisions (to an extent sometimes) when armed with what is right and what is wrong! Thanks for stopping by!

Jayme Soulati

Oh, Valentine, we're all just young at heart Whether we're 13, 21 or driving around on a golf cart. Facebook is not to blame for the kidlets, dear Girl. It's we parents who should take that shame in a whirl. But, let's forget that for a moment as we share a dark chocolate kiss These issues consume us daily, but it's Valentine friendships we don't want to miss.

Hajra

Looks like Valentine is bringing the poet out in all of us. First it was Shonali and now you... :)

Sonia

I don't even have kids, but if I did mine wouldn't be using it. I started when I was in my late 30's and that was fine by me. I can't tell a parent that their child is too young for Facebook when there is too much they shouldn't be seeing on the internet itself. Do I think they are too young, Yes. It's no different then Myspace and that created a ton of problems. What is disturbing is that some parents don't take measures to properly secure and safe-guard their kids from leaking out too much personal information online. If they have a FB page, it is a given, but how you manage their viewing habits is another story. I would hope parents are talking to their kids about the dangers to avoid serious consequences later on.

Hajra

Hey Sonia, You would be one of the tough mommies around! ;) I think I personally feel that parents should be aware that their kids are using social media. Not necessarily spy but yes, awareness makes a lot of difference when a problem might show up. Again it comes to the point of individual maturity. Whether the child is sensible enough as to not make the wrong decisions and just have the best out of social networking. I hope the same too @sunnnee:disqus ! Thanks for stopping by!

Sylviane Nuccio

Hi Hajra, This is a very interesting subject. I do not thing that social media such as facebook can or does more damages in tee-age people's live, but because teeagers are so sensitive and not mature enough it can create problem for them. Now, we hear of on incidents once in a while, and we say, wow, look at what social media does. However, before the internet there was and still is something much, much worse on teenagers than any social media and it's called bullying. When I was in school I saw bullies destroy spirits more than I will ever see on any social media. It was just not publicized, but still very, very dangerous.

Sonia

Sylviane, nice picture!

Hajra

Hey Sylviane I would agree, the way we use it is quite a concern. Ya, it is as worrying as kids watching television all the time. Nothing differs actually. There is dangers everywhere; we need to understand what is worth what the risk! There are bullies everywhere; offline and online and yes, they are just as dangerous both ends! Thanks for stopping by @twitter-372586952:disqus !

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Three times two times seven | Hajra Kvetches! says:

March 12, 2012 at 11:16 pm

[...] 2. Most popular post: Going by statistics; it has to be the one I wrote about kids using social networking sites. Old Enough for the Online World. [...]

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